Life Outside of Life

Weary

2011-01-26T11:17:00.000-08:00

Too Long Unused

2009-09-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

Standing on a chair, I dust away the cobwebs. Coughing as the particles swirl through the air into my lungs. From the farthest corner of the closet I pull out two old cardboard boxes. The edges are all torn up and there are layers of tape along where two sides meet. My heart starts racing..... today is like it's own little Christmas. Although there is nothing new or fancy or special inside, my mind leaps at the thought of what is being contained. Within these over used walls is the long awaited coming of cold brisk weather.

My heart smiles.

The Coming of Fall

2009-09-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

Stepped out my front door this morning, stopped, closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. A shiver of pure joy ran down my spine. Today is my favorite day of the year. Not September 18, but today. This day! When I took in that cool morning air, something in my body triggered and I just knew. Today is the first day of Fall in Flagstaff. The best day of the year!

For me, this day reminds me of the presence and beauty of God more than anything else. It's like there's this switch inside of me that when I breathe in this particular smell in the air at this particular temperature with this amount of wind, that switch is flipped. A switch that brings me into the love of God through His desire to create something beautful for us, His children. It's something connected to the soul more than to the mind or body. An innate sense of perfection in a world created just for us by a loving father.

Learning the art of The Long Meal

2009-06-27T12:38:00.000-07:00

In the Jewish household the dining room table is seen as an altar. 'Time spent around the table with each other is time spent with God." - Velvet Elvis. I finished reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell this morning and at the very end he is talking about how important it is to commune with one another, to feast and party, and to spend quality time together around a good meal.
This is a strange view in our culture today, seeing the table as an altar, as a place to meet with God through those around us. I think about the table in my house right now. Covered with books, junk mail, trash. Nothing to suggest a place to meet with God. We have taken for granted this special place in our home. This place to see God in all His glory living through those around us. When we come together with food and we share ourselves, our joy and pain, doubts, questions, fears, we become naked before one another and we see Jesus working and living and loving! We have forgotten that EVERYTIME we come together with food we are taking communion, taking in Jesus, consuming Him!
We need to remember the importance of the common meal, the "Eucharist." We need to learn the "art of the long meal," sharing and enjoying one anothers presence, delighting in each other. We need to dust off our altars and get into this mindset of bringing God to the table with us through our reality and finding joy and peace in this experience!

Excerpt - Atlas Shrugged

2009-05-10T11:17:00.000-07:00

"I'm after a man whom I want to destroy. He died many centuries ago, but until the last trace of him is wiped out of men's minds, we will not have a decent world to live in."

"What man?"

"Robin Hood."

"He was the man who robbed the rich and gave to the poor. Well, I'm the man who robs the poor and gives to the rich---or, to be exact, the man who robs the thieving poor and gives back to the productive rich.

"I seized the boats boats that sailed under the flag of the idea which I am fighting: the idea that need is a sacred idol requiring human sacrifices---that the need of some men is the knife of the guillotine hanging over others---that all of us must live with our work, our hopes, our plans, our efforts at the mercy of the moment when that knife will descend upon us---and that the extent of our ability is the extent of our danger, so that success will bring our heads down on the block, while failure will give us the right to pull the cord. This is the horror which Robin Hood immortalized as an ideal of righteousness. It is said that he fought against the looting rulers and returned the loot to those who had been robbed, but that is not the meaning of the legend which has survived. He is remembered, not as a champion of property, but as a champion of need, not as a defender of the robbed, but as a provider of the poor. He is held to be the first man who assumed a halo of virtue by practicing charity with wealth which he did not own, by giving away goods which he had not produced, by making others pay for the luxury of his pity. He is the man who became the symbol of the idea that need, not achievement, is the source of rights, that we don't have to produce, only to want, that the earned does not belong to us, but the unearned does. He became a justification for every mediocrity who, unable to make his own living, had demanded the power to dispose of the property of his betters, by proclaiming his willingness to devote his life to his inferiors at the price of robbing his superiors. It is this foulest of creatures---the double-parasite who lives on the sores of the poor and the blood of the rich---whom men have come to regard as a moral idea. And this has brought us to a world where the more a man produces, the closer he comes to the loss of all his rights, until, if his ability is great enough, he becomes a rightless creature delivered as prey to any claimant---while in order to be placed above rights, above principles, above morality, placed where anything is permitted to him, even plunder and murder, all a man has to do is to be in need. Do you wonder why the world is collapsing around us? That is what I am fighting. Mr. Rearden. Until men learn that of all human symbols, Robin Hood is the most immoral and most contemptible, there will be no justice on earth and no way for mankind to survive."

Lets get naked!

2008-09-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

"Hangin' around, nothin' to do but frown. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down."

We watched the movie "The Holiday" today. It's about these two women who switch houses for two weeks during Christmas time. They both were having problems at home because of the men in their lives (or lack there of). Wanting to get away from everything they knew, they went half way around the world for their escape.

As I'm sitting here in what is meant to be my escape, all I can think about is home. My work, my friends, my church, my whatever, MY HOME. All these things, these people, these things I thought I needed to get away from I have come to realize are exactly what I need. I left because I was angry, stressed out and unhappy with where I was in life. Because I have such a hard time getting close to people I felt I had no one I could express how I truely felt to. Not being able to connect with those around me made life a lot more difficult. I felt so alone back home because of this, so I thought it would be easier to leave and get away from all the things that were bothering me. As it turns out what I really need is to come closer. Closer to myself, to God, and to my friends. I've been reading "Sex. God." while on my trip and it couldn't have come at a better yet harder time. It's all about being connected and here I am half a world away from everything I know and love.

So in this movie "The Holiday" both women meet these new fantastic men on their vacation and all ends happily ever after. As I am watching this I can't help but think to myself, "What am I doing here? That's not what I want!" After the movie was over I went up stairs and read one of the letters that my friends sent with me to remind myself of why I love what I have. I love what I have back home, but that doesn't mean some aspects of it don't need to change.

I have some friends who have been married for over thirty years. They have one
of those Johnny and June [Cash] marriages. I was in a meeting with them last
week, and I noticed that when the meeting was over and everybody was leaving the
room, they were still seated, deep in
conversation about something. He was
smiling. She was leaning close to him as she spoke. It reminded me of a
conversation I'd had with him recently in which he was telling me about a
vacation they'd just taken and how the highlight for him was the
conversation he had with his wife. It struck me as I walked out of the room:
they're still getting to know each other. Still talking, still telling stories,
still exploring just who this person is. They understand that people are highly
complex beings and that the soul is infinitely deep. If you're mingling your
soul with another soul, and there's no end to the depth of both your souls, this
could take a while. - Rob Bell "Sex. God."

I want to be like this couple and not just with my spouse but with all my friends. I want to keep learning all that I can about the people I surround myself with. I'm tired of surface level relationships. I want a real connection with people. I want to be naked before the people I care about. We need to live as if we'd never fallen.

Planes, Planes, and Automobiles

2008-09-03T14:58:00.000-07:00

So, here I am in Germany. Not much has happened here as of yet. Actually haven't really left the house. Sad isn't it? We'll just talk about how I got here...

Phoenix to Phillidelphia -
I have to say, I love to fly but I HATE planes. They're so crowded and stuffy and just...yuck! I was lucky enough to get a window seat at least. Before we got ridiculously high, the view was awesome, but when we got way up there all I could see were clouds. I did not expect Philly to be the way it was. There were trees everywhere and not really any big buildings. I saw about five football fields and probably at least a hundred baseball fields. The descent into the airport was really rough and a bit scary but the landing was lovely. I got off the plane and made my way straight to my next gate cause I was really worried about getting lost and missing my flight. I got there and decided this was a good time to read my book, "Sex. God." Hmmm......The man sitting across from me was a missionary on his way to Munich. He was handing out tracks. (Not a big fan.) The guy sitting diagonally in front of me was the spitting image of J. Bauerle. Even his mannerisms were characteristic of J. Bauerle. It made the trip much more interesting. He ended up sitting directly infront of me on the plane and I very much wanted to engage in conversation with him, but I'm not very good at initiating conversation with strangers. Or anyone for that matter. So alas, we parted ways without a single exchange of any kind. Which brings me to something else. On the plane from Philly to Franfurt I took out my book "Sex. God." and for those of you who haven't read this book it's talking about the connection between spirtuality and sexuality and defines sexuality as the connection between people (not necessarily physical). The chapter I happened to be reading about four hours into the flight was talking about how disconnected people are from eachother. How they would rather text someone than call them. How so much of the communication between people is no longer face to face and so impersonal. And as I was reading this I thought about how I've been sitting on this plane next to these same people for four hours and have another four hours to go and the likely hood that any of us will exchange a single word or even friendly glance is slim to none. And as I thoght about this, the urge to begin reading aloud became stronger and stronger within me. The urge to share, to connect, to be sexual. I wanted them to hear these things and understand that the way Americans lead their lives of individualism is not ok. It's not how we were meant to live. Sadly my fear got the better of me and we continued in silence. In our solitary state of being. Have you seen the movie "Wall-E"? The scene with the two guys sitting right next to each other talking over a computer? Or the scene where the woman's computer breaks and for the first time she sees her surroundings. And the scene where the man's the woman's hands touch? Aside from the environmental push in that movie, the entire thing is about the connection between people and how we are losing sight of the importance of being personal and connected to one another. It's amazing how many thoughts can pass through or mind in just a split second cause by a single word or picture or smell. We are amazing creatures made for so much more than we let ourselves be a part of.

What a tangent!

It was still dark when we got to Frankurt, the sun was just beginning to rise. I was very glad to arrive at such an early hour because I have heard that Frankfurt is one of the busiest airports. I was able to get off the plane, get my bag and find my brother in no more than ten minutes. I was so glad to be off the plane and done with airports that I forgot my brother lives an hour away and we still had to DRIVE! Uhhgg! I was able to stay awake and pass the time by clutching to the seat for my life being that European drivers are insane! One of the cars driving near us was going all over the road and at varying speeds. When we were finally able to pass it, it was obvious by the bloodshot eyes, pale skin, and sweat dripping down the face, that the driver was on some very serious drug/drugs. And then (as if I was freaked out enough already) my sister-in-law proceeded to tell how when she was driving the other day she saw a car in which the passenger was holding the wheel for the driver while she lit up (marijuana).

All I can conclude so far is that this place is going to take some getting used to and people back home have nothing to fear that i'll fall in love with it here and not come home. (But I haven't made it to Italy yet so don't get your hopes up!)